I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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