I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
