Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize