No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
