My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
