is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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