I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
