This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
