We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
