garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
