Apparently you make a good broom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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