they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
