All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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