Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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