i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
