I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
