Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im holly from the hills drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
