WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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