Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
