bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
ttyl tear gas
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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