All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
