By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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