he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize