Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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