Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
