What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
