Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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