This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
