Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
