i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
