So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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