i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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