Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
