I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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