3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize