One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
