im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
