Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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