I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
