Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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