ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
