I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
