careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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