3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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