I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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