Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize