we have pet lesbian snakes
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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