Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
