she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
