the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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