Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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