I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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