I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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