I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
