i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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