I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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