so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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