If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
