Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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