That's intense
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
