No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
worst night to have a conscience
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
