does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
babies were throwing up all over the place
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
