maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
