I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
