So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
