We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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