I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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