she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
